Herencia

It’s 82 degrees out, the birds are singing praises to the sun goddess and it’s heartbreakinly beautiful outside. But we’re inside. I’m letting Leo watch TV this afternoon. We both have decided it’s time to let this day be over.

After 2 hours of driving, a full day at the office and an hour of soccer practice, we’ve just about had it with Monday. Leo wanted eggs for dinner, and you know what, that seemed perfectly fine with me.

I’ve been trying to implement the wisdom of my elders on days like today. What is that wisdom you say, to get all the things done that you needed to get done?

Don’t sit down

It seems too simple and also borderline torturous. But I think the reason it works is that inertia keeps you moving when you’re on empty, but once you sit down it takes too much energy, energy you don’t have, to get back up.

I often wonder what other wisdom my elders acquired. I’ve found myself recently asking more and more about my family. I’m so intrigued by their lives, their motivations, their lessons, their errors.

To some, it’s seems futile to dig up old bones, but the more I learn, the more I understand about what got us here, for better or worst. I never thought to ask before, when I was younger, blame adolescent self-absorption.

I’ve come to understand so much and still realize I have so much more to learn. For as much as I try to gather all my strength to do so, I don’t have the tender patience my grandmother did with her 7 children. She didn’t want to get married, sufrio mal tratos, and yet she had patience with all of them.

But she’s not here anymore to guide me, I lost her long before I became a mother myself. We had been separated by arbitrary borders and time from the day I was born.

There’s so many mistakes I’ve made. I don’t exactly have a “this is what you do to be successful in life” roadmap. It seems my elders endured their hardships with dignity, but I often doubt my own strength to do the same.

I’ve asked, who is the type of person I want to become? What are the things I want to accomplish in this life? How do I want to make people feel? My goals and my personality are constantly at odds with each other. But without much of an emotional or social inheritance, I’m grasping at straws trying to figure it out as a go.

I keep stumbling, but I won’t stop getting right back up

 

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