I have a confession to make.
I still have my Christmas tree and wreath up.
Yes I know it’s February.
Yes I know Christmas and all the subsequent holidays are over.
I’m fully aware of the depth of my sin.
But, you see the thing is, once I put my Christmas tree away I have to admit that the only magical thing about winter is over. After Christmas there isn’t anything to look forward to until the first flower sprouts in the spring. In Michigan that’s a lot of dreary months. I’m not ready for that level of depression. And for the most part the snow isn’t even nice to look at. It’s just dark dirty gray snow patches along the side of the road, rain that turns into ice and long periods without sun followed by brief moments when the sun comes out to play tricks on our minds that the weather is nice but only comes out on days we’re forced to spend all day inside. So I’m allowing my delusion dictate how long my Christmas tree is up.
Laziness is not the culprit here, although you could easily infer that it is. The tree and wreath are fairly easy to take down and put away. It’s not facing the facts and forcing myself to move forward, holding onto the only piece of happiness I have from December that is the real culprit here.
Which when you really think about it, the Christmas tree and my hesitance to take it down is a reflection of my current state of mind in all aspects of my life. I get so stuck on the past, remembering happier times that I can’t move forward no matter how much it hurts. Because believe me challenging the day to day to do something unknown or even dreadful is too daunting and so it’s easier to pretend everything is fine and not face the facts.
There’s a story in the bible, maybe you know it, about the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. Lot, is saved by angels along with his family and is allowed to escape the doom that is to come down on the two cities but is given one condition, do not look back. So Lot, his two daughters and his wife flee and are on their way to a better life but Lot’s wife looks back and turns into a pillar of salt.
Lot’s wife’s sin is mine. I keep looking back into the past not just remembering good times but seeing all the doom that is coming to those who stayed in Gomorrah. Every time I look back I see how I barely escaped similar fates.
So here I am trying to remake my life and wondering why I can’t break through and the answer is plain as day in front of me.
I gave myself a motto for this year “Olvida lo pasado ya no te acuerdes de aquel ayer” Forget the past, don’t think about yesterday anymore.
Maybe I’ll take down that Christmas tree today after all.