Conversations I Have With My Phone And Only My Phone

I’m not a very nice person. I’m Regina George mean. At least with my phone. Usually in society I’m a fairly civilized and even tempered person but there’s something about technology that brings out the worst in me. It’s only with my phone that you hear me say things like:

“Why don’t you load? You have 4 bars!?” Like a customer demanding speedier service at a restaurant on a busy night.

“Dang it why is the key board so small?!” After every typo I ever make

“Why can’t I stop this text!?!” This one gets me laughing because I sound like an annoying customer demanding some impossible task. Sometimes when I have poor signal my text message doesn’t send right away and I can see my phone is still thinking but there isn’t a single way to stop a text from being sent to the recipient even though my phone is probably  going to tell me it couldn’t send it anyways. Sometimes I’d rather not initiate a conversation if I know it’s going to take 300 years to send a response to the recipient’s response.

“Just take a picture already!” When my phone says I don’t have enough memory but I just deleted all the memes I stored to send to my friends later.

“Stop being so dumb!” This is actually said by me a lot. It could be because some app keeps closing out, or the podcast/music playlist/internet won’t load when there’s seemingly no issue. I’m not surprised my phone doesn’t cooperate more.

“I’m not talking to you!” when siri unexpectedly goes off.


“Whose calling me, why are you calling me, I don’t recognize this number, leave a voicemail if you need me” and proceed not to answer even though I might be in a prime place to answer it.

“yeah yeah yeah aye voy” when the phone gets to that bottom 10% battery life and I’m scrambling to find my charger and if I don’t……

“No, you can’t die right now!” Because there are ideal times for phones to die. And it’s suppose to wait until then.

But I still care about my phone because every so often you hear me say

“Please be ok” after I’ve dropped it or a mischief toddler has chucked it across the room (But mostly it’s me)

Maybe it’s a sign I need to update my phone or maybe I should start being nicer to my phone and it would cooperate more. Or as I’m writing this I realize I obviously have a lot of pent anger and should deal with that first…….NAH.

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