Everyone has a breakup playlist. At least that’s what I tell myself when I’ve listened to Neon Moon for the 100th time and belched the lyrics so loud as I’m driving home that my voice cracks. But mines isn’t just a playlist. I have songs that become the anthem for my life. At least for a period as I process the grief. And it is a process because it’s always the same stages. So sit down, buckle up and enjoy as you watch me frantically explain each stage of breakup grief.
The “You promised you’d never leave/cheat/hurt/insert horrible misdeed), how will I ever heal?” stage
Your Anthem: Rosa Pastel- Belanova
Anthem line that pierces you through the heart: “Tu no eres aquel que prometio seria mi super heroe,y que todo acabo, no queda mas seremos dos extranos”
What’s else is on your playlist: Tu Sin Mi (either artist although I’ll add Dread Mar I’s version is way more soulful and thus heartbreak feelings rise like 10 fold), Crazy- Patsy Cline, Neon Moon-Brooks& Dunn, Lluvia- Eddie Santiago
This is the eat everything, watch all the sappy things stage. You know what it is. It’s not pretty..moving on
The “You Break My Heart, I Break Your Things” *At least in theory stage
Your Anthem: Bust Your Windows-Jazmin Sullivan
Anthem line that pierces you through the heart: “I bust the windows out your car, But it don’t comfort to my broken heart, you could never feel how I felt that day, until it happens baby you don’t know pain”
What else is on your playlist: Before He Cheats-Carrie Underwood, Daddy Lessons-Beyonce
This is obviously the anger stage. You’ve moved off your bed and started doing your regular things again but the feelings come at random times, like when you’re running on the treadmill so you use that anger and skip to Jazmin Sullivan and power through 40 minutes of intense running visualizing the damage you’ll do to their car. You almost talk yourself into doing it but then realize property damage and arson isn’t something you really want to come up on your background check. Soo…… I’M NOT CRAZY.
The “I’m imagining you come crawling back and I sing a heartfelt musical number turning you down stage”
Your Anthem: Cinco Minutos-Gloria Trevi
Anthem line that pierces you through the heart: “La ultima vez, estabas tan feliz hoy no te vez muy bien, la vida da mil vueltas yo te lo avise, ahorra estas abajo y yo estoy arriba”
What else is on your playlist: Dame Otro Tequila- Paulina Rubio, Me, Myself and I- Beyonce, Me Voy a Regalar- Marc Anthony, Y Hubo Alguien- Marc Anthony
You’ve successfully moved on from anger and checked yourself out in the mirror a couple of times and realize you’re a huge catch and anyone who would walk away is obviously delusional. But you can’t just move on yet. You have to let your ex know how great life is going for you. And so your anthems are visualizing a vengeful karaoke number and he gets all in his feelings for ever having dumped you. And you feel like a conqueror. I know I’m not the only one.
The “I’m still too heartbroken please don’t try to flirt with me, why are you trying so hard, please go away and let me wallow” stage
Your Anthem: Cruz de Olvido -Pepe Aguilar
Anthem line that pierces you through the heart: “Culpable no he de ser de que por mi puedas llorar, mejor sera partir prefiero así que hacerte mal”
What else is on your playlist: Alejate de mi-Camila
If you’re so happy and doing great why hasn’t he come back to beg me to take him back? Is it possibly that there’s something wrong with you, can people still sense your heartache? Who is this person approaching, No I CAN’T DEAL right now, please move to the left so I can get over this newfound grief.
The “Tacos Before Vatos” stage-Anthem 5
Your Anthem: Soy Yo- Bomba Estereo
Anthem line that pierces you through the heart: “Y no te preocupes si no te aprueban cuando te critiquen tu solo di, soy yo”
What else is on your playlist: Send My Love- Adele, Todos Me Miran-Gloria Trevi
Eventually after you’ve cycled through stage 1-4 a few times and you do new things with your life you finally get to the Tacos Before Vatos Stage. You don’t need a man. You have a full time job, you’re smart, you’re beautiful, you have a 401k, and just ran a 5k. YOU CAN TAKE ON THE WORLD.
Falling for someone new like a sucker-Anthem 6
Your Anthem: Eres Para Mi- Julieta Venegas
Anthem line that pierces you through the heart: “Tu eres para mi yo soy para ti el viento me lo dijo con un soplo suavecillo”
What else is on your playlist: Addicted To You- Shakira, Poco a Poquito- Juan Gabriel
At some point of stage 5 you start falling for someone like an unsuspecting sheep. The octopus in the video is symbolic of how out of place your body feels with all the happy feelings. Maybe it was just that they got the timing right but all of a sudden you’re imagining getting flowers delivered to your front door, liking all their instagram pictures, going out to dinner, bonding over all the same interests and you see it all flashing in front of your eyes and dive in head first. And soon its like someone hit the REPEAT button.